Struggling

Wow... it is sooo hard to get myself to start writing each time, as you can see from the time between the blogs! I found that when I wrote the second to last post I felt some sort of releasing of burden so I will keep on trying.
Camp was fantastic! It was great to share in memory-making experiences with these kids, many of whom are from highly disadvantaged backgrounds... poverty, isolation, transcience, family difficulties and associated dysfunction are huge. I have always worked in 'disadvantaged schools' and find the kids and their families great to work with- to see the joy felt with every experience is heartening.
Many of the kids don't get to the city at all and have never seen many cars on the roads, etc, so that was an experience in itself.
I was really tired during the weekend and relaxed, did some gardening and talked with my kids on the phone.
My youngest son had some issues with his Tourette's and associated OCD but is learning to deal with it. He is currently also struggling with the fact that his father is a 'monster' as he puts it. Professionals in this field tell me that most guys in his situation go through this time of difficulty in accepting what their father has done to them and their families- the fallout etc, and that they get through it in time. He is nearly 19 now and has been facing this difficulty for a year now.
He and his older sister share a 'unit' near the city of Adelaide. They are feeling more independent and are facing their issues as they go along.
Now and then they ask me if I'm still on the 'guilt trip' and I say that I am taking their past encouraging comments to heart to change my 'self talk' first, then hopefully the heart will follow.
They are amazing people, as are the older 2 boys who take a keen interest in them, checking but not rescuing, keeping them company, etc.
Anyway, I need to get going now... it's 10:50pm here and work awaits again tomorrow.
Bye for now...
Julie

School Camp

It's been sooo difficult to et myself to blog since the last post. Writing is so painful I guess, but I really found the last post so beneficial and have been doing well since... feeling like I'm beginning to rise above the fog a bit.
I'm off to school camp in Adelaide for a few days with kids from Years 4 - 7 (ages 8 - 13 years)... should be a blast with the great teachers and parents we are taking with us! It will be cold but good.
Anyway... I'll make a reall effort to post something more during the weekend...
Bye for now...
Julie

Silly me

...interesting that when I came back inside after calling... and calling... for the 'missing' cat I mentioned in my last post, what do you know?! There she was sitting inside in the hallway with a look on her face that just said 'what?' She must have been hiding right in under the spare ensemble bed in my son's old room. Maybe I do worry too much... as my daughter said... :) Maybe she should come when she's called... grrr!
I went to the local takeaway/dine-in place that looks over Moonta Bay for tea tonight. It was really nice looking over the water as the lights came on. This was before I came back home and discovered the not-missing cat and before I wrote my last post.
I organised tomorrow at school and have been doing lots of knitting since then and will now go back and finish the ball of wool I'm using before turning in for the night.
Bye again...
Julie

Long Weekend

What to say... hmm... it has been a quiet and productive weekend. Anyone who knows me knows that I find quiet a bit lonely, but it is something I'm getting used to since my younger 2 kids moved to Adelaide.
I have the dog, Mutley, who comes along to school with me some days. He really loves it there and they really love him. He is quite the 'student' joining in with assemblies, choosing which student to sit with, then sitting calmly the whole time.
Of course he is willing to give this because his first love is well known and pandied to by the kids- retrieving tennis balls when thrown by anyone willing to spend the time. He became more obsessed at first, but now has settled into a routine. He knows classes come out for sport, so he waits nearby on the oval for students to visit him and throw his ball. He doesn't interfere with their games, especially if there are larger balls involved.
Of course, resisting tennis balls proved to be a challenge. It seems a couple of teachers have told him not to chase the ball onto the asphalt area because he interrupts their lessons. He's taken that absolutely literally to be observed at all times. Whether or not all kids are at school or if it is after hours he will not chase the ball onto the asphalt area. He stops 'dead' at the edge of the oval. He is a fast learner and very obedient. He loves to please.
He's good company. I have 3 cats here too. They usually hang around our yard or in yards nearby. The oldest generally stays inside there days- she has bad arthritis in her hips now. Otherwise she is very healthy. Our 'hand-raised' one, the youngest, is 'missing in action' at the moment- she was here earlier today. She's taken over from the previous matriach and keeps intruders out of the yard. I think that's what she's doing at the moment because I just heard fighting- unusual around here really, but she must be experiencing some difficulty at the moment. It's 7:20 pm. She'll be in later I guess. I do like them to be in by nightfall- responsible cat ownership for wildlife safety and also for their own safety. I hope she's ok. My daughter tells me I worry too much. Of course, she was always the keeper of the animals before she moved in January.
There are 3 Muscovies. They are really cute, and wag their tails and hiss in greeting when I go out into the back yard.
I'm enjoying the animals. They provide company, but it would be great to be able to have a human conversation with them! :)
I planted lots of new plants in the garden, weeded and tidied and began spreading 7 tonnes of river pebbles. I'm not as fit as I used to be but hopefully the garden work will help that during the coming weeks!
Anyhoo, enough of my rambling... the long weekend is over and I'd better get things organised for the working week.
Bye for now
Julie

Hi

I'm embarking on a blog, although writing about 'stuff' is something I find challenging when there's emotion involved. Factual is good, emotion... well, let's just say writing brings it out. I guess that's the idea. It has been suggested that I keep a journal and many a time I've bought a 'speccy' looking book expressly for that purpose, only to never put one mark in it! Ah well, I'll give it a go in the blog world.
It is the Queen's Birthday long weekend here in S Aus so I have a bit of time to get some things organised around here. I've begun knitting after years of absence. I find it calming really, so I guess it's a good thing to keep doing. I'll begin some work in the garden... always theraputic and relaxing. Otherwise I am starting some art works about my kids who have all left home. That is something I've been strugling with this years as it means the end of an era and also magnifies my 'singledom'.
Never mind- my job is relationship intensive and I have things to do. Even so, finding someone to share with on a deeper level would be good. I'll see what happens. It's a matter of making a better choice this time and that can't be guaranteed can it?! I'll keep working on my own self and wait...
Enough for now...
Hope your day is great... all that you need it to be...
Bye for now